Giving Versus Receiving

How Can It Be More Blessed to Give Than Receive?

A flyer mailed by Capital One Bank reads, “Whoever said, ‘It’s better to give than to receive” probably had an aunt who liked to knit.”

It’s a clever flyer, reflecting the way many in our culture feel.

A South Carolina 12-year-old would no doubt sympathize with the point the bank is making. Reuters reports that his mother, Brandi Ervin, had him arrested for repeatedly taking his Christmas present, a Nintendo video game console, from its place of hiding in his great-grandmother’s house. He was handcuffed, taken to the local police station, and charged with petty larceny.

Somehow I doubt this young man will get the lesson his mom is trying to teach. The urge to grasp and grab for ourselves is encouraged by society. If we are to be giving and sharing, it isn’t likely to result from punishment.

I have to admit that when I was a choirboy sitting in church at Christmas, this was one statement of Jesus I too didn’t care to hear. Oh, I felt guilty for feeling this way; I knew I was supposed to believe what Jesus said. But what child, as December rolls around, wants to hear that it’s more blessed to give than to receive? For that matter, who really wants to give instead of receive the rest of the year?

Well, actually, giving is one of our most natural traits. Before we learn differently, sharing is something we do spontaneously. Watch a toddler with a cookie. She or he will take a bite, then hold it out to offer you a bite too.

And if you have little ones, or are an aunt or uncle, teacher, or friend of very little children, how often have you been given pictures drawn just for you and your refrigerator door? A child loves to give of itself in creative self-expression.

True, children sometimes don’t want to share. “Mine!” and “No!” are frequent words on a youngster’s lips. This is an essential part of learning ownership and self-love. If we are to be giving people, it’s vital we value ourselves and don’t allow ourselves to be trampled on. Self-love is a prerequisite for becoming a person who delights in giving. Withholding, grasping, and hording are behaviors we develop when our self-love and self-expression are thwarted, as they so often are during the growing up process.

Jesus didn’t actually say that it’s “better” to give than to receive. That would imply that we really ought to be giving, not receiving. What he said was, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” To receive is a blessing, but to give carries with it an even greater blessing. The blessing isn’t that God pats us on the head with approval, as I imagined when I heard this statement of Jesus in my own infancy.

It’s wonderful to receive a lovely gift that you know the person has taken time to select for you. The good feeling you experience when a gift is just right for you isn’t created by the gift, however. Rather, the gift invokes something that’s already in you—an inherent sense of your worth and value, with which we all lose touch as we grow up. You are blessed by being reminded of how worthy you are.

Warming as it is to be reminded of our worth, there’s an even greater joy mirrored in exchanging gifts. Gift giving is a re-enactment of our deepest desire, which is to be the incredible person each of us is, and thereby gift the world with our giftedness.

We all want things. But what we want above all is to express ourselves. We want to be the person we alone are capable of being. As Michael Brown puts it in his book The Presence Process, we long to “show up” in life.

The grounds for wanting things, or wanting another person, is our enjoyment of being ourselves. Things, events, and people are the channels for self-expression. They are a way of exercising the good feeling we automatically experience when we are being true to ourselves.

In his book, Michael invites us to discover a Presence at our center that is the source of all the wonderful presents we share with others. This Presence is total love. Its very nature is self-giving. From an infinite fullness, it pours forth torrents of compassion, caring, sharing, and goodness.

A friend who read my November 30 blog entitled Shopping for Christmas Presence remarked, “I find this time of year very stressful. There is always the struggle of obligation versus what I would like to do.” How many of us experience Christmas gift giving as an obligation! What ought to be fun self-expression becomes a tedious chore.

Feelings of obligation, based on what others will think of us because of what we get them or don’t get them, lessen dramatically as we become deeply attuned to the Presence at our center. We begin to have a more solid sense of ourselves, which gives us the confidence to follow our heart.

As we awaken to ourselves as born lovers, we want to give. But our giving, rather than being out of obligation, is responsible. It’s a response to our true desires coupled with the real needs of the situation. We no longer give to impress or to relieve pangs of guilt. We give as our heart tells us to give.

This Christmas, rather than giving because it’s expected, reach deep inside and discover your essential person. You are a unique form of the Presence that lies at the heart of all of us––of the whole creation. This Presence seeks to revel in life. You are meant to be its vehicle.

Giving then becomes an avenue for experiencing in an expanded way the joy of simply being your wonderful self. And, since you get to choose exactly how you express yourself through what you give, it’s even more blessed than receiving, which often doesn’t bring you quite the gift you might have chosen for yourself.